And In the Closet I Stay

Despite the fact that I’m obviously a super-huge mega-lesbian, I’m in the closet around most of my family. My family is pretty goddamn conservative, so coming out to them is going to be a rather difficult challenge.

Now, I made a promise to myself (and a few other people) that I would come out to my parents when same-sex marriage is legal in the state of Minnesota. If you’ve been following the news lately or saw my post from a few days ago, you know that Governor Dayton signed into law the bill allowing same-sex couples to marry as of August first.

I am really not ready to come out yet. If that weren’t enough, a recent conversation with my mother left me with the impression that the next time I piss off my parents will result in me losing my truck (it’s technically my brother-in-law’s truck and my parents pay for the auto insurance). Announcing my love of pussy will definitely piss them off. And while I don’t drive much, I still live in an area that basically requires a vehicle if I want to get groceries or leave town.

Yes, it’s a very first-world problem, but it just adds to the pile of reasons I’m staying in the closet. It’s not so bad in here, I suppose. The coats feel nice on my arms and all that.


Number Twelve!

As of 5:00 p.m. CST today, Governor Mark Dayton will sign into law the bill legalizing same-sex marriage in Minnesota. This makes Minnesota the twelveth state in the Union to allow same-sex couples to marry. The law will take effect on August first of this year.

WOOHOO! We did it, everybody!


Lovely Weather We’re Having, Eh?

Seriously, it’s just about 60°F (so 15°C, give or take). I am so flippin’ stoked, you don’t even know.

So I’ve been working a lot lately, but not enough to excuse the lack of updates. At the end of April, there’s going to be a poetry slam at the coffeeshop down the street. There’s usually one every few months during the school year, and I actually might participate this time. A while ago, I wrote a vent-y letter to my mother (unsent, of course), and I want to turn that into something. I’ll keep you updated.


When It Rains, It Pours

About a month ago, I had the opportunity to work at McDonald’s. I ended up sleeping in/suffering a mild catatonia/being too depressed to get out of bed/being too lazy to get up on my first day.

That same day, I got a call from Taco del Mar. I hadn’t even applied to work there, but the owners of that franchise also owned the Subway franchise a few blocks down, and had gotten my application from there. I interviewed and a few days later, was notified that I would be starting the next week (for reference, that was this past week).

The same week that I started working at Taco del Mar, I got a call from ShopKo asking to schedule an interview for the following Wednesday. I interviewed there yesterday and I am expecting to hear back from them tomorrow.

And then TODAY, my manager from Taco del Mar called me and asked if I’d like to pick up some hours at the Subway I’d initially applied to. She’ll be giving my number to that manager, and I’ll hear from her either today or tomorrow.

Let me get this straight, universe: for like, two years I couldn’t find a job to save my life, and now that I finally have one, you’re offering me a zillion more?!? Well, I guess I can’t complain.


An Awful Comedy Fan

Well this is embarrassing to admit. I’m normally so good with faces — and yet it took me months to be able to pick out one of my dear friends from a crowd, but anyway.

Concerning the men of Monty Python, I can’t match up names with faces. There, I said it. It’s the same with the Beatles — except for Paul. And with the Pythons, I can pick John Cleese and (after several years) Eric Idle.

Is it their Britishness or do I need to make flash cards or something?


Aaand You’re Out.

On Friday, I went to a meeting with my CSP (Community Support Program) worker to appeal my suspension from university. I fucked up again and didn’t finish as many credits as I was supposed to. The point of the meeting was for me to convince a slew of professors that I wouldn’t fuck up again. Considering this was my second time appearing before them, I had a hard time getting them to believe me.

I wasn’t totally surprised, then, when I was told after some deliberation that I would not be reinstated; upset, obviously, but not surprised. So I don’t have to go to class tomorrow! Or at all this semester, because I’m technically not a student right now.

To be honest, I don’t mind all that much. Lately, school has just been an expensive source of anxiety, and a few months away from that will save me a lot of money and headaches. Plus, this way I can work full-time or have the free time to finally get back to writing, or doing my little craft projects, or whatever.

Today I applied for a few jobs online – pretty much all the fast food restaurants in town. Tomorrow, I’m going to pound the pavement downtown and see what I can find. Since I’ve already applied at seven different places (eight, if you count both Subways in town), I’m hoping that I’ll get at least one offer.


I Resolve To…

I am not being modest when I say that I’m quite the fuck-up. Other folks with ADHD can probably relate. It’s probably one of the reasons I like making New Year’s resolutions; it gives me a bit of hope that this year is the year. Of course it never happens, but a gal can dream, can’t she?

What follows are a handful of things I’d like to do (or avoid doing) in 2013.

1) Lose my virginity. This was one of my resolutions for 2011 and for 2012, and it’s one of the many that I failed to accomplish. I’m still a bit hung up on the whole my-virginity-is-something-special thing I had hammered into my head as I was growing up. I’ve wanted to lose it for a few years now, but in the last one I’ve gotten less picky: I want my first time to be with a gal who’s experienced, but not too much to make me feel intimidated.

2) Come a few more steps out of the closet. I haven’t told my parents yet that I’m a lesbian. Even my granny on my mother’s side told me, “They probably know already,” but I haven’t gotten the nerve to tell them yet. I also haven’t officially come out to my older sister or her husband. I made an attempt last Christmas, but that’s a story for another time. I’ve got a handful of cousins and aunts and uncles to talk to as well, but the most daunting people are my parents and my paternal grandparents.

3) Come out as an atheist to a relative. Most of my immediate and extended family knows that I’m displeased with the Church, but the only person outside of my college bubble that I’ve told I’m an atheist is my half-sister’s half-sister. Coming out of this closet scares the everliving shit out of me, hence the one-person goal. This is the kind of shit I’m gonna lose family over.

4) Update the blog weekly.

5) Write daily.

6) Finish one semester of college without dropping out of or failing a single class.

7) Maintain employment for at least three months. The longest I’ve had a job is six weeks. I need to be able to pay rent.

8) Do three hours of yoga every week. Obviously I’ll spread this out over the week.

9) Visit France. The French department at the college is going on a three-week trip to France in the spring. You have no idea how badly I want to go.

10) Maintain a motivational reward system for myself. Yes, like the charts in grade-school classrooms. That’s what I get for being born without a decent capacity for self-regulation. I’ve already made up my own.

Here’s hope, eh?