I Resolve To…

I am not being modest when I say that I’m quite the fuck-up. Other folks with ADHD can probably relate. It’s probably one of the reasons I like making New Year’s resolutions; it gives me a bit of hope that this year is the year. Of course it never happens, but a gal can dream, can’t she?

What follows are a handful of things I’d like to do (or avoid doing) in 2013.

1) Lose my virginity. This was one of my resolutions for 2011 and for 2012, and it’s one of the many that I failed to accomplish. I’m still a bit hung up on the whole my-virginity-is-something-special thing I had hammered into my head as I was growing up. I’ve wanted to lose it for a few years now, but in the last one I’ve gotten less picky: I want my first time to be with a gal who’s experienced, but not too much to make me feel intimidated.

2) Come a few more steps out of the closet. I haven’t told my parents yet that I’m a lesbian. Even my granny on my mother’s side told me, “They probably know already,” but I haven’t gotten the nerve to tell them yet. I also haven’t officially come out to my older sister or her husband. I made an attempt last Christmas, but that’s a story for another time. I’ve got a handful of cousins and aunts and uncles to talk to as well, but the most daunting people are my parents and my paternal grandparents.

3) Come out as an atheist to a relative. Most of my immediate and extended family knows that I’m displeased with the Church, but the only person outside of my college bubble that I’ve told I’m an atheist is my half-sister’s half-sister. Coming out of this closet scares the everliving shit out of me, hence the one-person goal. This is the kind of shit I’m gonna lose family over.

4) Update the blog weekly.

5) Write daily.

6) Finish one semester of college without dropping out of or failing a single class.

7) Maintain employment for at least three months. The longest I’ve had a job is six weeks. I need to be able to pay rent.

8) Do three hours of yoga every week. Obviously I’ll spread this out over the week.

9) Visit France. The French department at the college is going on a three-week trip to France in the spring. You have no idea how badly I want to go.

10) Maintain a motivational reward system for myself. Yes, like the charts in grade-school classrooms. That’s what I get for being born without a decent capacity for self-regulation. I’ve already made up my own.

Here’s hope, eh?


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